A Very Merry Pissmas
As Courage and Eustace stepped off of the plane they were immediately offered two heaping cups of steaming piss. They were looking for the man who kidnapped Muriel and had tracked him to this location: Pedophile Fuck Island. Courage accepted the glass and sniffed the warm piss for any clues. Gamer girl pee it was. Better save this sweet ambrosia for later and he keestered the nectar.
"If you two would be so kind," mused the butler, "The Master's holiday soiree is currently taking place and I'm sure he would be delighted to see you there."
"Blah blah blah" Eustace mocked. "Where's Muriel? She's supposed to be cookin' me dinner!"
"There you will find all the food you want and more good sir." The butler was a frenchman of high class and purple hydroponic fucknuts which he wore around his neck at all times. His twisted smile told Courage all he needed to know that this man was not to be trusted. And he was right. This French bastard was probably up to all sorts of mickey mouse bullshit.
"Hmmm," Thought Eustace Bagge, "Ok. But you better have Christmas Ham!"
"Sir, we have 12 different kinds of ham imported fresh from around the world."
"Ohhhh" Eustace was astounded. His cock throbbed for salty hamz.
"Ubahlubbadaba! Ubahlubbadaba! Oopa-dappa! Oopa-dappa!" Begged Courage.
Eustace lost his salty hamz boner. "You better not mess this up for me you stupid dog! They've got salty hamz!" And with that they left.
He led them to the Fuck Kabin which was the name of the mansion at the center of the private fuck island they were on. They stepped inside and their ears were greeted with the buzz of chit chat and shady business deals. Piss and salty hamz wis being served by children of all ethnic and racial persuasions wearing tight fitting swimwear. Eustace and his penis deliberated over this ethical conundrum.
"Do you think those kids are happy?" Asked Eustace to his penis.
"I'm a talking dinosaur boner and I'm famished for salty hamz! Nom! Nom! Nom! you farmer brown Scottish cuck!" And with that Eustace left Courage at the door to mingle with the pedophiles and eat foods. Courage was intimidated by the scene. "What do I do sensei?" He asked. The voice of Bill fucking Cosby came to him and spaketh, "Courage!" It cried out faintly. "Courage! The secret's in the piss, Courage! If there's one thing I know from my time of havin' a good time with 57 women, its that the secret's in the piss! A Zap Boop A Zoopity Doooooo!" And with that his voice faded off leaving Courage to his own devices and fortitude.
Courage felt his sperm swelter within his doggy nut sack. It was probably due the gamer girl pee seeping into his rectum tissues. That jar had itself a leak. He needed to continue. He bent over and went salty ham on his own penis. He sucked and sucked his way until he needed to suck no longer. He had spermed within himself completing the cycle of love and hate. "The things I do for love." He announced with his own cum seeping from the hole in his tooth.
With that out of the way he could now continue. He probed the depths of the pedo mansion looking for signs of Muriel. He opened a door to find a terrifying scene. It was Mickey Mouse and he was bathing in a steam bath of stanky ass piss. Oh fuck it was atrocious. He grinned a grin of pure contempt for innocence with his arms around two obviously underage girls. They had tears of piss on their cheeks and looked malnourished. The mouse had a bunch of stanky piss bubbles coming up from in front of him. A human head raised up from the piss. It was Mike Rowe the dirty jobs guy. Looks like he was really into this dirty job.
"Thank you Mister Mouse. Do you think I've worked hard enough to get some salty hamz now boss?"
"You just keep gargling on that piss drenched flaccid mouse cock you filthstain" said the mouse.
"Yessir! Anything for the boss! I love my job!" And then Mike Rowe submerged himself again into the piss and stuffed his mouth full of Mickey's disgusting rodent hog.
Courage closed the door. "Okay, I definitely didn't need to see that!" And he continued on his hunt.
Meanwhile back at the party Eustace was using the mouth of his dick to swallow large chunks of salty hamz and washing it down with piss. Then his dick drank too much piss so it threw it up which was really it just pissing. But that wasn't really pissing it was throwing up. Then his dick just pissed because he had to piss because of his regular mouth drinking piss.
The French butler took his face up from the tits of a waitress long enough to notice his boss. "Ladies and gentleman may I announce the arrival of our dear master, The Man With A Jewish Name!" A middle aged man showed up and he had a Jewish name.
"My children, I have cum again!" And everyone pretended to give a shit.
He walked up to Eustance "Are you receiving enough pussy tonight sir? he asked
"Where's Muriel?" Responded the farmer.
The Jewish man took a sip of piss from a champagne glass. "I don't know I'm so fucking horny with all these kids around I don't remember." He then took a bump of cocaine off one of their asses.
The child looked at Eustace. "If you kill me it will make the pain stop" She said. Eustace went back to his salty hamz.
STOP CONTROLLING MY BRAIN! Screamed the French butler. He grabbed the pair of testicles from around his neck and tickled them slightly. He tore the sack from his face and whispered sweet nothings in their ear while petting them, then hurled the bloody pair of nuts into the crowd.
"Regarde moi danser maintenant papa…" Said the balls as they soared through the air, but it was too late. Eustace sympathized with the Frenchman. His relationship with his talking genitals was a complex one too.
Courage was lost in the rape cabin aka Hillary Clinton's pizza shoppe and found a clue, though he didn't know what it meant. It was a note attached to Muriel's boot: Please return to Lev Parnas. Courage looks at you and shrugs.
"Oooowww… Courage?" A weakened Muriel yells in the distance. He treks the hallway and stumbles upon a door.
"Couraaaaaage!" Muriel yells from behind it.
"Don't worry Muriel! I'm cumming!" Courage uses his newly unlocked powers and spews his acid semen on the doorknob, thus melting it.. He pushes open he door to find Muriel and several other old skanks rigged to a medieval contraption, legs spread open. The device is hooked onto their beef flaps, stretching them out 10 ft long and milking them for their flavorful juices. The fluids get drained into a funnel labelled "G Fuel."
"Courage! My beef cakes are being drained of their juices! I need my beef cakes to be at peak juice producing levels in order to ferment salty hamz!"
Courage springs into action without a second thought.
He needed to end the misery. Using the powers he learned in trade school he freed the grannies by turning his cock into a socket wrench and dismantling the device with prayers. Courage and the grannies escaped except for one who died mysteriously. Courage turned is dick into a speed boat and they left Island.
Back on the island the feast of the intestines had begun. Mickey Mouse had torn apart everyone's innards and was devouring them like so many spaghettis. Mike Row died with tears of joy in his face, happy to let his useless body be used as fuel for his superior. Eustace was filled from throat to balls with mooshed up salty hams mixed with gamer girl piss. He died of salt fever before the mouse had even arrived. The Jewish Man faked his own death and escaped riding on a dog sled pulled by a naked Bill Clinton and Steven Pinker. Both had gags in their mouths. The children's suffering ended.
Muriel cradles Courage in her arms like a baby as he sucks on his own cock like a baby bottle. The cycle of love and hate was now complete. Oh and also it was Christmas when this all happened.